I tweeted about this the other day but didn’t have the patience to really get into detail at 140 characters per tweet.

Most of you know my husband talks in his sleep. It’s not every night, but it’s often. He sounds so alert I think he’s awake at first, until I pay attention to what he’s saying. Then I realize he’s either bought a one way ticket to Crazy Town or he’s sound asleep.

(Though, either is possible.)

Anyway, we watch a lot of Discovery Channel around here.

(Actually, I don’t watch TV, but when I do, it’s DC.)

I should also mention for those not in the know that I’m terrified of bears, yet my husband is strangely fascinated by them. It started out as a way to aggravate me, as most husband things do. Over time, it turned to a true interest in bears. The fact his favorites are the ones that give me nightmares, namely Kodiaks and Grizzlies, is pure coincidence. Sure it is. But I digress.

He’s watching a special on Glacier Park in Montana before bed.

I see this:

And this:

While he sees this:

And this:

So there I am, conked out and probably snoring (I mean, I never snore…) when he wakes me from a sound sleep by talking. Apparently, in his dreams, we’re in Glacier Park and we have lost our ever lovin’ minds and decided to play wildlife photographers. Not only that, but we’re stalking bears to get snap shots. (Like I would ever in my life do such a thing.) And he’s mumbling all kinds of stuff about how pretty it is and did I know the seasonal temperature rarely strays above 55 degrees. On and on.

Finally, he spots a bear. So he’s telling me to be quiet so he can get his shot. I am, even outside of his dream, not having anything to do with it.

Me: “I don’t want that bear to eat me. Shush so I can go back to sleep.”

DH: “Don’t worry. I’ll eat you first.”

Me: “Wait–you’ll what?”

DH: *smile* “If the bear comes, I’ll eat you first.”

Me: “Um, thanks for that.”

I can see the headline now: Faced with possible mauling, Husband eats wife before bear gets the chance.

This is why I will never vacation in Montana or Alaska, or anywhere I can stumble over a bear by accident. The last thing I need to worry about is how good I’d taste with BBQ sauce. 😉